Twitter Funnies • 30 queries in 30 days

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Twitter Funnies

Twitter has a feature that allows users to make favorites of tweets they like, I just don’t see the point, but I’ve been doing it anyways.

Here are my favorite tweets, I chose original (non reply) tweets that stand alone and hold way more than 140 characters of meaning or humor.

revision: Hard to believe that the scrawny kid who use to play with himself while reading Mad Magazine is now a prominent doctor.-Neilochka

Up late watching Gymnastics. Doesn’t Nastia seem like a cruel name to give a child; sounds like nasty and nausea -Luckymom

“Now I need to bone my blue ball!” screams my 4 year old. I am really hoping he meant “I need to BOWL my blue ball.” -mommastantrum

Even though The Man has tried convincing me for years that tomatoes are a fruit, I have my doubts. Privately, I believe it’s a vegetable. -mochamomma

can you not try to act like you have cholera please??? -CrunchyCarpets

Bob Costas is like childbirth. Even if you have forgotten, the reminder of that pain in the ass is almost instantaneous when it hits.-Mommy4Cocktails

Sleep deprivation is catching up with me. Will spend the afternoon face down on floor while children use me as a jungle gym. -WordToYourMutha

I swear by all that is holy if it rains for the NEXT 40 days here in FL, I’m starting on my damn ark -AnissaMayhew

I have found the root of the world’s problems. It’s quite simple. Men. Are. Retarded. -MissSueBurbia

I strongly feel the need to retweet @jkottke: “Accidentally waterboarded myself in the shower this morning.” Nice one, mate. Nice one. -Chuckumentary

I wish I craved exercising as much as I do chocolate.-DarlaF

“This is how the world ends. Not with a bang, but with a twitter!” Fairly constant adoration for Patton Oswalt. Sue me. -VelveteenMind

I just picked up a post-it note on the floor that has (in husband’s handwriting) “KOREAN HOE-Curled? Cheap?” The hell?


Marshalls is opening a chain of plastic surgeons with irregular, discontinued and offbrand boobs at low low prices! -Stranahan (and actually, that one was a reply to mommastantrum

Billy Joel needs to apologize to me again for Tell Her About It. -lauriewrites

Have you ever been out to dinner with someone and wished they only had 140 character to tell you something? I did tonight. -poshmama

wow, DH used Wii Fit balance board to weigh his luggage. -mamikaze

If rain is God’s tears then the big guy just lost 3 mos rent at Vegas and is none too happy about it.-chickybaby

Putting together a Radio Flyer for Ellie (who now crawls, stands, and just started her 1st tooth). I wish this month could last for 2 years.-hotdogsladies

Beer is cheaper than gas. Drink, don’t drive. -busymom

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August 16th, 2008 | Tags:


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Inspired by ‘s report

My goal is to make a fortune every month WITHOUT working.

Clearly, I have a long way to go.

Residual income comes from articles written in the past.

Each month I devote 4-6 hours of my time, writing articles for revenue-sharing sites that will generate residual income forever.

Each month, the income grows while the time commitment stays the same.

Year 1

December 2007 – $3.45

January 2008 – $10.96

February 2008 – $13.99

March 2008 – $17.18

April 2008 – $30.44

May 2008 – $27.18

June 2008 – $26.54

July 2008 – $59.09

August 2008 – $154.50

September 2008 – $132.12

October 2008 – $135.64

November 2008 – $210.16

December 2008 – $160.69

Year 2

January 2009 – $221.11

February 2009 – $228.69

March 2009 – $380.01

April 2009 – $629.06

May 2009 – $617.81

June 2009 – $629.81

July 2009 – $743.13

August 2009 – $912.39

September 2009 – $975.01

October 2009 –

November 2009 –

December 2009 –

Year 3

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