LOIN’S LEGEND
truth in numerology
Number of times Barack Obama has been described as “eloquent”: 413,132,884
Number of times Kobe Bryant has been described as “polite”: 152
Number of times Malcolm X has been described as “gentlemanly”: 6
Touchdowns that Michael Vick has thrown for and rushed for, combined: 92
Actual ways to skin a cat: 15
Pounds of Chinese food consumed by the average American the day before undergoing plastic surgery, on average: .8
Number of songs Kayne West plans to write about the inherent self-destructive tendency of human vanity: 0
Foods served at MacDonald’s that Hillary Clinton has expressed affection for: 0
Instruments closely related to Jazz that she has performed in public: 0
Number of times she’s been on the Arsenio Hall show: 0
Number of black people reading this blog: 7
Of those, number sired by Screamin’ Jay Hawkins: 2
Number who know it: 1
Average number of Red Bull energy drinks consumed by GIs in Iraq per diem: 12
Average number of wings subsequently granted to those GIs: 1.3
Age of Lindsay Lohan’s liver, in dog years: 28
Kilograms of uncut Nicaraguan cocaine that could be purchased with the net sales of Amy Winehouse’s hit single “Rehab”: 473
Average number of freakshow admissions that money would buy: 92,186,279
Number of pages in the Talmud: 2,711
Number of wrinkles in Madonna’s body (age-related): 9,732
Number of wrinkles in Madonna’s body (other): 1,386
Number of movies Madonna has pitched to her husband about a Jewish prostitute who is really important and mystical and shit: 3
Number of Democrats who would rather vote for Mike Huckabee than be forced to watch the movie “I Heart Huckabees” three times consecutively: 8,872,651
Number of people who voted for George W. Bush twice: 15,301,123
Number of domestic abuse victims who return to their abusers: basically all of them
This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 8th, 2008 at 4:43 pm.Categories: .
When are you speaking at a bay area bookstore? I will come and photograph you.
I have a condition which prevents my image from being recorded photographically. However, if you’d like to hire a caricaturist, I’ll gladly sit for him, her, or she-it.
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