Loin’s Legend

LOIN’S LEGEND

truth in numerology

Number of times Barack Obama has been described as “eloquent”: 413,132,884

Number of times Kobe Bryant has been described as “polite”: 152

Number of times Malcolm X has been described as “gentlemanly”: 6

Touchdowns that Michael Vick has thrown for and rushed for, combined: 92

Actual ways to skin a cat: 15

Pounds of Chinese food consumed by the average American the day before undergoing plastic surgery, on average: .8

Number of songs Kayne West plans to write about the inherent self-destructive tendency of human vanity: 0

Foods served at MacDonald’s that Hillary Clinton has expressed affection for: 0

Instruments closely related to Jazz that she has performed in public: 0

Number of times she’s been on the Arsenio Hall show: 0

Number of black people reading this blog: 7

Of those, number sired by Screamin’ Jay Hawkins: 2

Number who know it: 1

Average number of Red Bull energy drinks consumed by GIs in Iraq per diem: 12

Average number of wings subsequently granted to those GIs: 1.3

Age of Lindsay Lohan’s liver, in dog years: 28

Kilograms of uncut Nicaraguan cocaine that could be purchased with the net sales of Amy Winehouse’s hit single “Rehab”: 473

Average number of freakshow admissions that money would buy: 92,186,279

Number of pages in the Talmud: 2,711

Number of wrinkles in Madonna’s body (age-related): 9,732

Number of wrinkles in Madonna’s body (other): 1,386

Number of movies Madonna has pitched to her husband about a Jewish prostitute who is really important and mystical and shit: 3

Number of Democrats who would rather vote for Mike Huckabee than be forced to watch the movie “I Heart Huckabees” three times consecutively: 8,872,651

Number of people who voted for George W. Bush twice: 15,301,123

Number of domestic abuse victims who return to their abusers: basically all of them

This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 8th, 2008 at 4:43 pm.Categories: .

When are you speaking at a bay area bookstore? I will come and photograph you.

I have a condition which prevents my image from being recorded photographically. However, if you’d like to hire a caricaturist, I’ll gladly sit for him, her, or she-it.

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